Hello and Welcome!
This is going to be a shorter post (it’s not) about why I’ve opened a Ko-fi account.
For those of you who don’t know what Ko-fi is, it’s a platform which allows you to receive (or give) donations in the form of ‘coffees’. The whole coffee idea is metaphorical, the donation isn’t always going to go towards a literal coffee, but the idea is that the donation is the price of a typical cup of coffee (£3).
I’ve seen a fair few people have these accounts but have always been nervous about opening one myself. I saw one of my friends attacked on Twitter for having a Ko-fi account so it’s taken me a long time to open one.
The reason why I finally have is quite frankly because I have no money. Not just like ‘oh I can’t go on holiday kind of money’, I mean my mum (who is barely getting by) gives me £100 a month because I have no other form of income and have a maxed-out credit card (that both me and my mum use) kind of broke.
The link to my Ko-fi is here – https://ko-fi.com/multibendybeauty
A bit of background
I did an undergraduate degree in English literature and graduated in 2017. Immediately from my degree I went into a job at the Ministry of Defence in June of 2017. I had applied for a basic admin job but on arrival was put into a different department doing something that I had no idea about, and absolutely hated. After speaking to my friends and family, they convinced me that it would be best to leave because it was making me so unhappy (I was crying almost every morning before going to work). I had money saved which meant that I could pay rent until October 2017. I tried everything to get a job, I signed up with agencies, I had meetings, I applied for everything I could find but October got closer and closer and I still had nothing.
I decided that the only thing I could do, so I wouldn’t lose my flat, was sign up for Jobseekers. This was honestly one of the hardest decisions, it felt like I had hit the bottom and I really really didn’t want to go to that meeting. One day I thought about doing a masters and low and behold, my university had a masters I was interested in (Events Management). I applied a week before the induction, got student finance, and was fine.
Towards the end of 2017 my relationship broke down and I moved back home in January 2018. My mental health was horrendous and I decided that I couldn’t hack doing the master’s full-time. Since it was something that was such a last minute decision, I hadn’t fully thought about it and it turned out that I really didn’t enjoy it and the work-load was weighing on me. I decided to drop the master’s to part-time and do it over two years instead of one so I could really focus on each assignment and do better than if I tried to force myself to do it all at once. Also by dropping to part-time it meant I could get a part-time job to get some income coming in.
At the end of March of 2018 I met my current boyfriend and everything was looking up. Until June 2018 when he started to get really ill and we didn’t know what was going on. I volunteered at Isle of Wight festival with my friend so she could use it as work experience on our course for an assignment, I got back at the end of June on a Tuesday, my boyfriend went into hospital in Bath on Friday and was transferred to Birmingham on Saturday. I didn’t even unpack my suitcase, I just changed out some clothes and went with him.
My boyfriend was diagnosed with Post-transplant Lymphoproliferative Disorder (PTLD) which is a form of lymphoma, or cancer. He had his first round of a type of chemo called R-CHOP where you get all the chemo in one day and then have a rest period before having more chemo (so you have the chemo every 21 days). Since his cancer had come from him having a liver transplant he had to stay in Birmingham hospital for them to monitor him. We’d already been there for around a month by this point (myself and his mum were staying in a combination of the premier inn, and a building which is for family and carers of those in hospital called Nuffield House). We thought, after they saw that he was fine with the chemo, we’d get to go home and he’d just need chemo every 21 days. What they didn’t tell us is that they were monitoring to see if he would be okay, so they could change his treatment plan.
He was moved onto a more intense treatment regime called R-CODOX-M/R-IVAC where he would have chemo almost every day for 15 days, then have a break (which was roughly 5-10 days depending on how long it took for his blood counts to recover), then treatment for 5 days, then a small break, and so on. So instead of getting to go home, we had to stay. Being in a different city, trying to live, with absolutely no planning, is not only stressful but also costs a lot of money.
Eventually he was allowed home to have the second cycle, but the roof on the Bath ward was leaking so the whole ward had to be fixed. We begged not to have to go back to Birmingham and he was placed in Bristol instead for the R-CODOX-M before having the R-IVAC at home. He didn’t finish treatment until November.
During this time, I was still trying to complete assignments and was expected to be planning my dissertation. I decided that it would be best to not complete my dissertation, meaning I finish with a postgraduate diploma instead of a full masters.
Anyone who has known someone who has had cancer will know that once treatment is finished, you don’t just suddenly get better. Although he got the all clear in January, and is in remission, his blood counts weren’t recovering. He still had to have blood tests every other day for a while and I had to give him G-CSF injections multiple times a week to boost his counts.
He’s now back to work full-time and although he still needs an operation (we’re waiting for an appointment which will be ages), he’s pretty much fine now.
For a long time I’ve been struggling with my mental health, and have over the years booked a few doctor’s appointments but ended up cancelling them. For some reason I decided that now is the right time and finally went to the doctor’s to discuss my mental health on the 24th May this year. I was diagnosed with depression and given anti-depressants.
Part of my problem was that I was absolutely terrified of getting a job. I’m not sure what caused it, I used to be fine, but the thought of just applying for a job used to make me cry and send me into a panic attack. Since starting the anti-depressants, this has improved and I have been applying for some jobs and have even been to an interview, which is a huge step for me. However, anyone who suffers from depression knows that it’s not always going to be okay and I’m not always able to get out of bed, therefore my job applying is quite sporadic.
So basically, this is why I’ve opened a Ko-fi account. Although £3 may not seem like a lot to some people, that’s a lot to me. There are times when I don’t even have £3 in my bank.
Donations will really help me with my blog, and just generally with my life. I’ve had to decline opportunities because I don’t have the right equipment. A brand I love asked me to do a video for them but I need a £15 tripod for my phone to be able to do videos and I can’t afford it.
Currently I can’t put ads on my blog because google adsense thinks I have scraped content. I’ve spent hours trying to work out why but I really need someone else’s help and guess what? I can’t afford it.
My blog views massively declined after I changed from WordPress to self-hosting through Siteground. Stieground directed me to a website that I’d have to pay for to find out why this happened.
It’s just getting to a point where as much as I love blogging, it can be quite demoralising to feel like I’m not really getting anywhere and I can’t move forward because of money.
What you get for Donating
If you donate and leave your Instagram handle in the comment section then I will shout you out on my Instagram story, thanking you for your donation (and of course I will follow you if I’m not already).
I will also add your name at the very top of the next blog post I create after your donation and will add any links to your socials/your own blog, if you leave that in the comment of your donation.
If there’s anything else that you’d like from your donation then DM me on Instagram or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org and I’ll see what I can do!
I just want to emphasise that there is no pressure at all. If you don’t like me, don’t donate, if you don’t like Ko-fi, don’t donate, if you don’t have enough money, don’t donate. I just wanted to open an account so it’s an option.
That’s the end of this post, I just wanted to give a bit of an explanation as to why I’ve opened this account because I know there’s some judgement towards using Ko-fi and, if possible, I want to avoid that for me.
If you’d like to donate then you can find my profile here – https://ko-fi.com/multibendybeauty