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Coming Out

Hello and Welcome!

Before jumping into this post, I just want to apologise again for my absence. As I mentioned in my previous post, I’ve been having a lot going on in my personal life and I’ve been trying to deal with everything.

If you haven’t read my previous review, I’ll just quickly explain what’s been going on and why I haven’t been posting anywhere near as much.

My boyfriend has been in hospital for the last 3 weeks and I have been staying in relatives accommodation nearby and visiting every day for the entire visiting hours. Due to this, my blogging kind of stopped. I couldn’t test any products because we were almost 100 miles from home, and dealing with the stress as well as the environment made it really tough to do anything.

On top of this, my nan passed away last Wednesday night. I was trying to travel back from Birmingham to say goodbye but she unfortunately passed before I could make it home.

The only time that I’ve been back home during this time, was for Bristol Pride. As some of you may know, I’m studying a master’s in Events Management. My placement was doing some research for Bristol Pride themselves so I came back to do this.

Whilst all of this has been going on I’ve, understandably, had a lot of time to think about a lot of things in my life.

My sexuality has always been something that I’ve questioned, but as I’ve come to learn, it isn’t necessarily something that you just know. Sometimes it can take time to really realise how you feel.

So I thought, during all of this negativity in my life, that I could do something positive and come out. Going to Pride made me really happy and it was honestly such a relief to be surrounded by similar people.

I’ve always been in the mindset of I don’t care if people come out to me. In the sense that it doesn’t change who they are or what they mean to me. I’ve never ever judged anyone for their sexuality. However I’ve realised that the whole time I’ve been judging myself.

I kept dismissing my feelings telling myself that they weren’t really real. I’d never do that to anyone so I don’t know why I was doing it to myself.

I’ve also realised that coming out is exceptionally difficult.

Before you come out to anyone else you really need to come out to yourself and accept yourself. As I said, I kept telling myself that my feelings weren’t real. I couldn’t have even imagined writing this post a few months ago, let alone longer ago.

I’m not going to lie, of course I’m still kind of scared. I’m worried about what people I know will think and say but at the end of the day my happiness and acceptance of myself is more important than anyone else’s judgement.

What I Identify As

So let’s get into what I’m exactly coming out as. Like everything else in my life, it isn’t completely simple.

The easiest part is that I’m bisexual. This just means that I’m attracted to women and men. Simple as that really.

However, I’m also demisexual. I think this is a term that not so many people are familiar with. Strangely, this was the one that I realised first.

Demisexual is sort of a difficult one. With ‘demi’ meaning between. In short it lies somewhere between sexual and asexual. It’s sometimes referred to under the umbrella ‘Grey-A’ which is like the grey area of asexuality. Sexual attraction can be broken into ‘Primary’ and ‘Secondary’ attraction with primary meaning things like how someone looks, and secondary being their personality. Being demisexual means that I tend not to have primary sexual attraction to people. For me personally whilst I do sometimes appreciate how someone looks and think that they’re attractive, it doesn’t make me sexually attracted to them. Instead, I only feel sexual attraction to people when I have a strong emotional bond with them. If you want to read more about demisexuality then there are a lot of different resources that are useful, this one from AVENwiki gives a pretty good definition.

I’ve found that the time it takes to make this bond varies a lot from person to person. I’ve also found that when I start losing a connection with someone, I lose that attraction too.

I know what you’re probably thinking: demisexual sounds just like a normal person. Trust me, every person that I’ve told has either said ‘that’s normal’ or ‘me too’. On the whole I’ve found that these people aren’t actually demisexual. I’ve only ever had 1 one night stand and that was with someone I’d known for around 6 or 7 years. I don’t even kiss people unless I’ve already got a somewhat strong connection with. I only like people in a romantic way until I’m emotionally invested in them. It’s sort of difficult to explain, but when I found out that this was a thing (there were a lot of strange Google searches) I immediately knew that was me.

Oddly bisexual was the one that was difficult for me to get my head around. I think this is a common issue that people have, but because I’ve never had a relationship with a woman, I assumed that I was straight. I’ve always had this inkling that I wasn’t 100% straight but I didn’t think I liked women enough to be bisexual, which was only made worse by the fact I’ve only ever kissed women and have never had a relationship with one.

Initially I thought I might be biromantic but heterosexual (meaning I was romantically attracted to women, but only sexually to men). However, on reflection I think I’ve just never allowed myself to have a close enough emotional connection (because of being demisexual) with the same sex in order to be fully sexually attracted to them. Additionally, I just have a preference towards men.

So yeah, that’s it really. This is me coming out as bisexual and demisexual (or you can put them together to make demi-bisexual).

I don’t particularly have anything inspirational or exciting to say. I just wanted to make this post so I don’t feel like I’m hiding part of who I am anymore.

The only thing I really have to say to you is don’t ever feel like you should hide who you are, any part of you. If people won’t accept you for who you are, then that isn’t your problem, and somewhere out there are people who will. Also, if you’re thinking that maybe you aren’t straight (I’m under the impression that no-one 100% is) but you’re unsure when to come out, then just know that there is no right time. There isn’t a perfect time to do anything. When you’ve fully come to terms with who you are and are comfortable with it, that is the right time. No matter what else is happening around you. I told my mum over text after telling her that there was a wasp in the bathroom. It’s just whenever you feel comfortable and it doesn’t have to be some grand extravagant thing. The point is that you’re in control of when, and how, it happens.

I think that’s it from me. If you have any questions then I’m absolutely open to honestly answering them, just drop them in a comment, or DM me on Instagram (it’s linked below).

This brings us to the end of this post. I hope that you enjoyed it and I hope that you took something away from it, or even just feel like you know me a little better. Obviously this doesn’t change who I am, nor does it change the content of my blog. The next post will be a review on some jewellery, so keep an eye out if you’re interested in reading that! As always, please follow my blog if you’re interested in reading beauty and lifestyle posts. I will be trying to post three times a week for a while, but if not then it will be twice a week. You can follow with a WordPress account or via email.

Love,

Charlotte (Multibendystraw)

Multibendybeauty final

Follow me on Instagram

Check out my previous posts!

The Cruelty Free Beauty Box June 2018 Review
Interviews – Opening Up about My Feelings on Blogging
Hand Painted False Nails Review – SJ Nails

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11 thoughts on “Coming Out Leave a comment

  1. I’ve had a similar experience as you, questioning what my sexuality was and dismissing my feelings. After taking time for myself I realised that I wasn’t 100% straight either and am bisexual. I felt so much better being honest with myself and not dismissing that part of me! Great post!xo

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I had a similar experience with my sexuality. For so long I wasn’t sure what I was. Just felt super confused and just sort of had myself down as unsure. I’m so happy you’ve come out and accepted yourseld. It’s so difficult but such a freeing feeling! Absolutely love your eye shadow xx

    Liked by 1 person

  3. This is an amazing post, I love reading it, and I think it is very inspirational and you are very brave to have come out! I totally agree with you, a person would definitely accept himself/herself first before excepting the others to accept him/her!

    Liked by 1 person

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