Hello and Welcome!
As mentioned in a previous blog post, I’m going to start posting some different content, starting with this post.
As you can see from the title, today I’ll be posting a buzzfeed style article (complete with GIFs). Today’s post is going to be 8 things that no one told you about wearing false nails (because I couldn’t think of 10 things).
This post is much more light-hearted and fun that my typical posts, and showcases more of my weird personality. So, I hope you enjoy!
1. Kiss goodbye to your eyeballs
If, like many people, you put things in or around your eyes, you better rethink this with long nails. Putting eye cream under your eye results in your nail being a little too close to the eyeball for comfort. Trying to put eyeshadow on the lid with your fingers? Near impossible. Luckily, I don’t wear contact lenses, and I can only imagine how difficult that would be.
2. Long nails underneath is a no go
Each time I’ve worn fake nails, it’s been mostly because I was too lazy to paint my nails. However, also during these times I’ve usually had quite short nails.
Now, if the fake nail doesn’t fully cover your nail (because no one’s perfect), then you’re going to need shorter than just ‘quite short’ nails. If your nails aren’t super short then you’re going to see some of your own nail peeking out of the sides of the fake one.
This could be solved by using a larger fake nail but I haven’t found a pack that has ones suitable for every single nail just yet, and who is buying two of the same pack just to get more of the larger ones? Not me that’s for sure.
3. You better employ a personal assistant
If anyone has watched Family Guy (or just uses a lot of GIFs), you’d be familiar with the Peter Griffin typing moment – see below.
I can report, based on my experience, that this is 100% an accurate description of typing with fake nails (facial expression, and all).
Not only is typing on a keyboard difficult, but typing on a phone is equally as challenging. Since touch screens don’t pick up the nails touching the screen, you still need to use your actual finger – which can be difficult with a big nail in the way.
Therefore, grab yourself a personal assistant for all of your typing needs.
4. Scratching is fantastic
Where there are negatives there is always positives and it probably comes as no surprise that longer and stronger nails = better scratching. I’ve had ‘squarletto’ nails from Primark which are, as they sound, a mix between square and stiletto nails. I’ve also had regular stiletto nails. I can confirm that the stiletto ones are best for scratching.
When I say that scratching is fantastic, I don’t just mean for me. Think of all the pets you could be petting and scratching with your talons!
5. You will have to spend all of your time without clothes on
Putting on clothes with fake nails on is a real struggle. I have popped off a nail inside a pair of skinny jeans whilst pulling them on, and whilst putting trainers on twice so far. Therefore, in order to avoid this, I’m afraid that you’re not going to be able to wear clothes whilst you have nails on, or you’ll have to be gluing them back on pretty frequently. I’m sure if you’re wearing baggy clothing then you might not have this issue, but if you’re wiggling into those skinny jeans, then be prepared to have to fish for a nail inside your jeans.
6. Need a wet wipe or cleansing pad? Clear your schedule
If you need to get a wet wipe, or cleansing pad, out of a container then I hope that you aren’t in a rush because these nails will set you back a good couple of minutes. Should I try to pinch it out using the nails? Should I try to reach the item with my fingers and hope the nails don’t get in the way? Who knows. I tend to go for the pinching method but the amount of times I’ve missed the cleansing pad, failed to grip it, or ended up pulling out 3 or 4, is ridiculous.
7. The way you do things will change
Whether it’s picking something up, opening the fridge, pressing a button at a traffic light, opening a can, or unlocking your phone, you’ll have to slightly alter how you do everything either because you physically can’t do it how you usually would (e.g. pressing a button at a traffic light), or because it would put pressure on the fake nail and be uncomfortable. Your knuckle will become the end of your finger. Opening the fridge? Knuckle. Pressing a button? Knuckle.
Not only will you change the way you do things but you’ll also become very resourceful. Opening a can is something that suddenly is very challenging. Will that stop you from getting into that can? Absolutely not. I’ve opened a can with a flat handle of a spoon, as well as with a piece of folded up paper. Look around for things that will help you do what you want to do, that won’t result in a fake nail flying across the room.
8. You are a danger to yourself and others
One slip and you could find yourself stabbing yourself, or others. This is especially common if you have stiletto nails. If you’re holding your hand in a fist then you bet those nails are going into your palm (I woke up with nail marks in my palm once). I’ve scratched myself doing Zumba, I’ve clawed my boyfriend, the nails know no bounds and cannot be stopped. So be cautious and try to tame the nails for the safety of both you, and your loved ones.
Despite all of the challenges that can come with wearing false nails, let’s be real they look fantastic and they can make you feel amazing. Whilst I may have nails popping off in my shoe, nail marks in my palm, and can’t open a can, I’m still feeling myself. At the end of the day, what’s a little inconvenience if it makes you feel more confident?
Okay so this brings us to the end of this post. As I said at the beginning, it’s quite different to what I usually do and I really enjoyed writing it. Please don’t take this post seriously (make sure you wear clothes when you have fake nails on), it’s just supposed to be a bit of fun. I’m going to do some other alternative blog posts in the future so please let me know if you enjoyed this one and if there’s anything you want me to write about in the future! Also please give this post a quick like if you did enjoy it. Finally, if you like beauty reviews and posts like this on beauty topics, then please follow my blog!
Check out my previous posts!